1. Mike Gaus was my first boyfriend in third grade.  He gave me a gumball machine ring.  He always wore cowboy boots.

2. Kathy Power was my best friend in fifth grade.  But in sixth grade she said she couldn’t be my friend anymore because she was a Baptist and I was a Presbyterian.  She called deviled ham “potted meat”.

3. Carlotta Gutierrez didn’t have a father who lived with her.  She had gorgeous curly black hair and a slight mustache.

4. Mr. Kelke had a filling in his front tooth that was a different color white from the rest of his teeth.  He used Brylcreem and had stinky breath.

5. Greg Spohr was the cutest boy in second grade.  I got to sit next to him which made him scared, but me happy.

6. Mrs. Hampton was freckled and always dressed like a scarecrow for Halloween.  Her student teacher taught us Spanish.

7. I made up a rhyme about Mr. Walton: “Mr. Walton was quite tall-ton.  He had but one hair on his head—with the frizzies.”  This made him yell and hit the desk with his ruler.  And then he laughed.

1. Doug Campbell, you were my first boyfriend in junior high.  But after your friend asked me if I wanted to go with you and I said to tell you yes, I spent all my time avoiding you.

2. Mr. McKinley, you were my principal at Lincoln School in third to sixth grade.  The principal is supposed to be your pal, but you always thought my brothers had done something wrong when they hadn’t.

3. Joey Mock, I used to hang out with you in the summers when I lived at 16 Lindell Court.  We would eat raw green peppers straight from your garden.  Once I asked you what was for dessert, and you offered me a booger from your nose.

4. Kelly Bryan, you lived down the street from me and you had braces.  Somehow they made you look even cuter.